For those who are not enjoying SMASH

From a website called Broadway Abridged. They have their own abridged version of SMASH.

SCENE: PREVIOUSLY ON SMASH...


                          MEGAN HILTY'S RACK
   Hi.





   SCENE: KATHARINE MCPHEE'S FIRST DAY OF REHEARSAL.


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   Hello everyone.


                          TWO BITCH GIRLS AND A BITCHY
                          GAY GUY
   UGH.


                          Megan Hilty enters and everybody claps
                          for her.


                          BROADWAY ACTOR WITH ONE LINE
                          IN THIS EPISODE
   We love you Megan Hilty!


                          ANOTHER BROADWAY ACTOR
                          MAKING MONEY ON THE SIDE BY
                          APPEARING IN THIS THING
   Megan Hilty, you're the best!  I like you and dislike
   Katharine McPhee!


                          A THIRD BROADWAY ACTOR WHOSE
                          TALENT IS BEING WASTED
   You'll surely NEVER be the villainess of this show, thereby
   turning off all the people who like you much better!  That
   wouldn't possibly happen!






   SCENE: ANJELICA HUSTON'S OFFICE.


                          ANJELICA HUSTON
   Oh no I have to sell my artwork.


                               THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT...

SCENE: REHEARSAL.


                          Megan Hilty changes into her "I slept
                          with the Director and all I got was
                          this lousy T-Shirt" T-Shirt. 


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   They're *sleeping* together?


                          TWO BITCH GIRLS AND A BITCHY
                          GAY GUY
   I don't know that they're getting much sleep.!


                          SERIES CREATOR       
                          THERESA REBECK
   BWAH HA HA HA HA THIS IS WHAT I CONSIDER HUMOR.


                          JACK DAVENPORT
                 (to Megan Hilty)
   Hey, did you hear Nick Jonas is in this episode?  I'm
   throwing him a big birthday party.  I discovered him.


                          MEGAN HILTY
                 (to Christian Borle)
   Did you hear Nick Jonas is in this episode?  Jack Davenport
   is throwing him a big birthday party.  He told me he
   discovered him.


                          CHRISTIAN BORLE
                 (to Debra Messing)
   Did you hear Nick Jonas is in this episode?  Jack Davenport
   is throwing him a big birthday party.  He told Megan Hilty he
   discovered him.


                          DEBRA MESSING
                 (to that penis assistant)
   Did you hear Nick Jonas is in this episode?  Jack Davenport
   is throwing him a big birthday party.  He told Megan Hilty he
   discovered him.


                          MEGAN HILTY
   EVERYONE!  Katharine McPhee is too loud.  I want to throw her
   out of the number.


                          JACK DAVENPORT
                 (to Christian Borle)
   Megan Hilty thinks Katharine McPhee is too loud.  She's
   throwing her out of the number.


                          CHRISTIAN BORLE
   OK, Katharine McPhee.  Megan Hilty is throwing you out of the
   number because she thinks you're too loud.






   SCENE: CITY HALL.


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   So Megan Hilty threw me out of the number.  She thought I was
   too loud. Megan Hilty threw me out of the number.  She
   thought--


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE'S BOYFRIEND
   Has this show already assumed that people are watching it in
   the background while sorting laundry? 


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   But--


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE'S BOYFRIEND
   Sorry, I can't hear you.  In this episode, my characteristic
   is that I have a phone all the time!






   SCENE: ANJELICA HUSTON'S OFFICE.


                          ANJELICA HUSTON
                 (points at lawyer)
   YOUR OCCUPATION IS A LAWYER.


                          LAWYER
   Yes.


                          ANJELICA HUSTON
   I hate my ex husband but I used to not hate my ex-husband.


                          LAWYER
   Also true.


                          ANJELICA HUSTON
   Good, I wanted to make sure everyone knew that there can
   always be more exposition.
                 (sighs)
   Oh, artwork.


                          LAWYER
   We're not working off a script in this scene... we must be
   improvising, right?






   SCENE: OUTSIDE REHEARSAL.


                          TWO BITCH GIRLS AND A BITCHY
                          GAY GUY
   Oh look it's Katharine McPhee again.  UGH.


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   Megan Hilty threw me out of the number.  She--


                          TWO BITCH GIRLS AND A BITCHY
                          GAY GUY
   WE SAID UGH.  YOU ARE BORING AND FROM OHIO, SO WE HATE YOU.


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
                 (piano underscoring kicks in to
                  show that this moment is
                  IMPORTANT)
                 (or that perhaps somebody needs
                  piano scoring to make up for
                  lackluster acting skills)
   You guys are being jerks.


                          TWO BITCH GIRLS AND A BITCHY
                          GAY GUY
   You are right!  We shouldn't be mean to you.  After all
   you're boring, and from Ohio!  
   Now we suddenly adore you because we are going to make you a
   better person by peer-pressuring you into buying expensive
   clothes and turning you into a rag doll.


                          KATHARINE MCPHEE
   Sure, why don't I spend the entirety of what my Dad gave me
   in the last episode, in one spree!  Surely that won't cheapen
   anything.

Check out the website. Some funny material there.